i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize