So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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