bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
