I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
