He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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