Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
