Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
