Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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