New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i now understand why vodka
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
