and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
