it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
