if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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