her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
