It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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