I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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