OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
