you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.