I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
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i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
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there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes