I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
