Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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