Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
