hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
