Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
