i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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