I queefed so loud it echoed.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
