nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
