I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
