Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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