Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
