Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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