He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
