i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
