I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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