Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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