im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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