last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
