He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
