i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
