Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
