I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
