how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
