lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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