So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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