can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
