He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
