At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
