I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
pray to the hookup gods
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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