If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize