The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
