Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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