everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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