god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
