WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
