Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
