I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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