so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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