he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
