We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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