Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Randomize
