I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
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I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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