I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
