I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
