Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
