Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Randomize
