its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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I want her autograph on my taint
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
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Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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