So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
