I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The feeling are messing with the penis
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
