Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
